GHETTO ECONOMICS

Monday, April 28, 2008

Shawty

60 inches....my exact exact height. I am never really aware of it until something is totally out of my reach, or I realize that someone can pick me up like a friggn' toddler.

Many times when I am in a grocery store, the very item I need will be the last one left & all the way back on the shelf. Amazingly, everyone in the store at that time is barely taller than me & cannot reach it.

I have learned to just go grab a broom or mop or anything with a long handle to reach my item. It's a pain but I get what I came for.

I am bringing all this up because I was made very aware of my height or lack there of yesterday morning. At 6:18am I was awaken by a low & steady beep. With one eye open I got out of my bed & went into the living room.

After 3 seconds, I realized it was a smoke detector with a dying battery. Because I have vaulted ceilings, knew I couldn't reach it. I was still sleepy so I got back in my bed and put a pillow over my head.

30 minutes later after cussing out loud & counting the

beeps I knew I had to do something. I thought about smashing it with a broom handle to put me out of my misery!

I ended up standing on a chair with a step stool on top of that to get the damn thing unscrewed & yank the battery out. Arghh!!!

Being a shawty is a pain sometimes....but I'm just so cute with it!

Holla at me in the comments!

9:41 PM | Permalink | | links to this post

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Yep......

Guess who's water is off again? That's right.....
My sister's short yellow bus friend called her last night and said the following:

El retardo: Can I come over to your house & cook?

My sister: For what?

EL retardo: I don't have any agua

My sister: What!

El retardo: You heard me

My sister: What!

El retardo: Yadda yadda yadda....lame excuse...yadda yadda yadda

Straight foolishness! Let's see how long it is off this time. I wonder how much the bill is.....

Holla at me in the comments!

8:24 PM | Permalink | | links to this post

Friday, April 04, 2008

5 Minutes

I tend to get a obsessive about certain things that I want. I am definitely an instant gratification type of chick & I always want what I want when I want it.

Earlier this week I made up my mind that I was going to buy a bicycle. The problem that I was having was trying to figure out how to get it in my 4 door Accord without fucking up the leather.

Believe me, I thought about this for a few days....

My aha moment came yesterday at work when a co-worker suggested I buy an easy to attach trunk bike rack.

Easy my ass! I was in the parking lot of The Sports Authority for 45 minutes trying to get that damn thing on! I finally achieved victory & then headed over to Wal-mart to find a bike.

I think I drove 30 miles per hour for fear that my new purchase would fly off and cause an accident. As soon as I got home, I removed my new bike & packed the rack back up in its box...don't trip...that bitch will be getting returned tomorrow!

Yall it was 9 o'clock at night and I was determined to at least ride through my apartment complex.

That shit lasted all of 5 minutes! Who knew a bicycle seat could make your ass ache like someone kicked you repeatedly with some football cleats?

I'm not hurting in the booty department one bit and I needs me some extra cushion! Why on earth do they make the seats so hard? I guess that's the mission tomorrow...find a new bicycle seat.

It is now chillin' in da crib...at the foot of my stairs. I'll be damned if I try to lug that thing up some steps!

In my best Tupac voice....Picture me rollin'! Lol!

Holla at me in the comments!

10:40 PM | Permalink | | links to this post

Monday, March 31, 2008

Idiosyncrasies

Mine...

1. I refuse to let go of my favorite bra even though the under wire keeps cutting me like I was in a gang fight

2. My facial expressions get me in trouble sometimes (I can say bitch please without saying a word)

3. I know this is the age of convenience in regards to technology (IM, text messaging)...is it crazy that I miss talking on the phone?

4. I want a cockapoo puppy but can't see cleaning shit up off my carpet until it is trained

5. I sleep better when I turn the air down between 70 & 73 degrees

6. I cannot eat a turkey wing...what a big ugly piece of meat!

7. A co-worker has been trying to teach me conversational Spanish & French...I suck!

8. I have enough dental floss stored up to last me a year

9. Three things I hate to do:
1.) Pump Gas 2.) Take out the garbage 3.) Scrub a toilet

10. I have been wearing opened toed shoes even though I need a pedicure

11. I am always restless on Sunday nights...damn...another weekend over!

12. I hate when people pop & chew gum like it is the last piece that will ever be made...grates on my effin' nerves

13. I love drinking out of straws

14. I have a serious green thumb...without even trying

15. When I love a particular song, I will play it over & over again until I'm sick of it

16. I can't go through a day without using hand sanitizer

17. I HATE when my friends want to ask me HR questions. Yeah it's my job....but not 24-7! It always starts off with general conversation & the next thing you know, they start in with their list. Arghhh!

What about you?

Holla at me in the comments!

4:08 PM | Permalink | | links to this post

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Real Talk

Question:
Could you have sex with someone without kissing them & then when it's over grab your car keys & raise up?

I was talking to one of my girls last night who told me a story about a guy she recently did this to. It all started a little over a week ago when she went over to his place and they started messing around.

After a few drinks and conversation, he tried to kiss her & she stopped him dead in his tracks. She told him that she didn't kiss because it was too personal. Right after she told him that, she asked him if he had a condom. They did the deed & soon after, she got out of the bed, grabbed her shit & left.

The kicker is that 'ole boy was knocked out sleep and she didn't even try to wake him up to lock the door! She admitted that she later felt bad for leaving the door unlocked & did leave him a few messages to get up & lock his door.

Fast forward a week later...
The tables turned when she put out a bat call and he didn't call back....send a text...say hooty hoooo..nada!

Since my girl is the type of person that likes to have the last word, she called him again to find out what the hell was going on. When they talked, he gave her an excuse that he was 'dealing with some things' and that his not calling back was not personal, he just forgot. She said the conversation was really odd & that oh well....the situation was what it was....sex only.

Now, I know I have talked shit on my blog about being able to handle having casual sex...being alright with a fuck buddy....yadda, yadda, yadda...
I am not as gangsta as I thought I was! I really am more sensitive than a little bit!

The conversation with my girl just blew my mind! In the singing voice of Rick James, that shit was just 'Cold Blooded'!!! Seriously!

Fellas......are you out there? What happened here?
Ladies, please holla at me in the comments!

8:05 PM | Permalink | | links to this post

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter!

I hope your Easter is filled with blessings, love, family and good food! Enjoy!

1:21 PM | Permalink | | links to this post

Monday, March 17, 2008

I'm just sayin'............

I saw you, but you didn't see me sitting at the bar & yes I thought you were fine.....When we finally made eye contact, I laughed because I had just seen the whole transaction of you in her ear & her putting your number in her phone. You wanted to come over but I just couldn't do it......I couldn't stop laughing.

There are 20 other aisles of clothing racks in the store....why the hell do you feel the need to come push shit to the left on the rack while I'm shopping?

Last night you kept walking by me & smiling while the Reggae band was playing, but you wouldn't say a word....now it's Monday and you could have had my number.

Why did you get the Dish network when you got your income tax & now you can't pay the monthly bill? Also, stop asking people to buy your food stamps so you can put gas in your car.